It's been a pretty slow day, all things considered.
You know, I start a lot of my posts this way. Maybe I am becoming an adrenaline junkie. I always heard bout them when learning about PTSD, but didn’t quite understand it. Now I can go from dead-tired to wide awake in about 3 seconds and I love the rush and buzz it gives me. Maybe when I get back to the world I can re-adjust, and I hope so, because all I really want to do is take the boy fishing. If I can’t, I’m sure the Army will give me some really good drugs to help me sort it out. Those of you that know me know that I could probably use some CrazyPills™ once in a while anyway.
I've spent $7000 on a new generator for a nearby village, and now I just have to figure out how to get this thing out there.
I have $1000 in my pocket that the Army gave me, but I'm not sure what I am allowed to spend it on. I imagine it's for those little things that I want to do but lack the funds for... Like hey, how about $50 to take that backhoe you're sitting on and dig a hole for me. I'm not sure, but I don't think its beer and hookers money.
Decided not to leave the FOB today. Had a really hard day, I had to one of my soldiers that his mother died of an overdose. He's a really good kid, and he has a really fucked up home life. Dad was drunk when he called for more information. (His parents have been split for 10 years or so, Dad's a drunk and Mom's a junkie.) I'm amazed he turned out as good as he did. He's now en route to home for emergency leave. It's a shame that he has to use his mid-tour leave for this, but I'll be able to send him on pass to
I guess it all stacks into the things I hate about this job department.
I really miss seeing my kids. I guess it's a lesser of two evils thing, when I am outside the FOB, I don't have time to think about it, but when I am here all day and see their pictures I miss them more. I especially miss my Daughter, for some reason. Maybe it’s because she's so cute, maybe because she's still so little. I don’t love her more than him, or less than him, it’s just different. I know I am Bubba's hero right now, and I hate that I am away for what is arguably the best time to be a dad with him, but I really miss my little girl. Maybe it's her independence, maybe it's her eyes or her giggle. Maybe it's because she's such a little mirror of the Mrs. Hell, I don't know. I just want to take bubba fishing and camping and play with her.
I'd also like a real beer, but I can wait on that.
I'm exhausted for some reason. I think it's the lack of mental stimulation. The days here are so LONG when I go into "Fobbit" mode. (A Fobbit is like a REMF, except they are a forward-deployed REMF. Never leave the safety of the FOB and exist only to give people problems. I spent about 30 minutes last night explaining the finer points of this to a gate NCOIC who thought it was a good idea to keep my vehicles stopped outside the wire at the gate (where it is lit) because he thought we should ground guide into the FOB. 1. We've never done that, 2. Hummers don't have to be ground guided anywhere on the FOB, 3. He said he was concerned for the safety of his soldiers.
That's about when I lost my mind. 1. The fobbits he was so worried about weren't even wearing eye protection—something we demand of all our soldiers, and a sign that he failed to check their uniforms (so much for the safety of his soldiers); my soldiers were exposed with their backs to the road (bad) (What about the safety of MY soldiers?) 2. He positioned his soldiers at the gate between the M113 that rolls back and forth (as a gate) and a concrete barrier. One brake failure=two squished soldiers. One of his soldiers was riding on the top of his M113 as it moved back and forth, so he could (according to the NCOIC) get driver's training. (The gate is not a driver's training course)
About the time SGM showed up, I was probably only a few minutes away from shooting him. (I was mighty tempted when he told me there was no need to curse at him.) I told him if he ever stopped a patrol at the gate, coming or going, I would personally shoot him and drive over his carcass. You see, there's two times I've had to get in or get out really quickly. The first was when the CSM's truck hit an IED and I was out the gate in 5 minutes from notification; the second was when we were bringing in my best friend and the rest of the wounded from that same incident.
Of course, the gate NCO told the SGM that he wanted to press charges against me for communicating a threat. SGM told him I was right, and that he was lucky that a) I didn't shoot him this time, and b) SGM didn't shoot him himself. I love this place. It is so Un-Army sometimes.