Friday, June 03, 2005

Things to remember when I get home

Just because a bag/box/big rock is by the side of the road and it wasn’t there yesterday, doesn’t mean it’s an IED

I can leave the house without a helmet, gloves, kneepads, elbow pads, body armor, and weapon

Abandoned cars seldom explode

If a door is locked, I shouldn’t kick it in

I don’t have to wear flip-flops in the shower

I don’t have to get completely dressed to go pee in the middle of the night

Stopping the car in the middle of the road to pee is frowned upon

Peeing in the middle of the road is frowned upon

When you step out of the car, you don’t need to clear a 5 and 25 meter radius around the vehicle

Driving in the middle of the road is frowned upon

I have to drive with my lights on at night

Shooting cars to get their attention is also frowned upon

Warning shots are almost never appropriate

I don’t have to take a different route every time I go somewhere

I can tell people when I will meet them somewhere

I don’t have to wait for the interpreter before I go somewhere

I can’t toss people in jail because of a hunch

It’s okay to drink the water

I don’t have to paint the windows black

When traffic is backed up, I can’t just drive in the oncoming lane

I don’t have to do a “recon by fire” when I go hunting

I can’t tell the mayor that he is going to do things my way or go to jail

I don’t have the authority to fire (on the spot) the local police chief because he’s an idiot

When the cops drive down the road with their lights on, they aren’t going to pull over for me

I don’t need a platoon to go run errands

I don’t have to say asalaam alekum when I greet people

Men wearing dresses is weird

There are other things to wear besides uniforms

If kids don’t wave when you drive by, that’s okay

My left hand is clean



streeter said...

Growling at liberal white rhasta types at Starbucks is fun.

Cigarette Smoking Man from the X-Files said...

Some of that is still good advice if you live in a bad neighborhood.

Anonymous said...

Glad I'm done with my coffee, or I would have been spewin' - you have me howling.



Simon Peter said...

Excellent list. Shame about not being able to throw the mayor in jail around here. I can think of a few that might be better for the experience. :-)