Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Update 20 July

When I typed in the date above I had to ask myself, "is the date really the 20th?" Has it really been almost a month (that would be the 21st) since I got a phone call in the middle of the night that has since changed my life as I know it? Okay, yes, it is the 20th (had to check the calendar :). My days all run together and they don't usually come w/ dates attached. Alice and I were talking last night about the feeling of being in limbo... we don't feel like we are moving forward or backward... just kinda hangin there.

Of course, we are moving forward as far as Chuck's recovery, but we still have many unkowns and "what ifs" that we can't do anything about... except wait. So wait we shall. Alice was also a military spouse. Chuck's dad was enlisted in the Army for 17 years (and was medically retired due to non-hodgkin's lymphoma). So Alice can more than identify with the feelings I have as a military spouse. Military families do not often have control of their lives... where they will be stationed... when will the soldier deploy and for how long... will we get to live on post or have to find a place off post... and the list goes on. So of the FEW things we CAN control in our lives, we take hold and run like the wind! Then we have times like these where we have to revert back to that sense of not being in control and we fight our way through it (or cry or laugh or scream our way through it - usually all of the above).

Where is all this coming from, you ask? What happened to Carren and is she totally losing it? Well, not totally, but starting to feel the effects of all of this. I am not writing this for anyone to feel bad for me or Chuck or anyone else, I guess I just needed to vent a few things. I know Chuck started this blog to have an outlet... I am not one to whine and complain to the whole world (not that Chuck was doing that on his blog).... I just started typing and this is what has come of it.

So, about Chuck... he had his right thumb grafted today and is doing okay. I saw him briefly this afternoon after surgery and he was kinda sore and cranky, but seemed to be handling things well. I had to leave him to eat lunch and work on my final exam (a 10 page paper) for one of my classes. So I just finished typing 4 1/2 pages and thought I would update all of you (procrastination is my middle name :). Alice is with Chuck so he is not alone. I am headed back to the hospital in a few minutes.

We have received approximately 50 cards since I posted the PO box address... and I have not been to the box yet today. Thank you all sooooo much for the cards. I was reading some of them to Chuck again today. He loves to hear from all of you and really looks forward to "mail call."

Y'all take care and I will update again in a couple of days... probably when I am done with my final paper.

God Bless!

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