Saturday, August 23, 2008

Why I would be a great POTUS...

1. I was born a poor black child in Pennsylvania, the birthplace of America, and I can prove it.

2. I have never taken any illegal drugs. Never even smoked weed.

3. I am a veteran. (Not a prerequisite, per se, but it proves I am willing to sacrifice not only my life for the ideals our country holds dear, but also the future and well-being of my family.)

4. I, like most Americans, am not wealthy, nor do I come from a wealthy background.

5. I've never had, nor will have, an extramarital affair.

6. I had decent grades in college. (Not stellar, but decent. Something to do with applying myself when not adequately challenged.)

7. I know that government of, by, and for the people should exist to help people lead their lives as the individual sees fit, not tell people how to lead their lives.

8. I know that everyone should pay their fair share to be a part of this society, and those who can't contribute their fair share should pay through their labor.

9. I know that the first through tenth amendments mean exactly what they say they mean.

10. I know that every politician who has voted for, suggested, passed, or otherwise approved pork-barrel spending should be sentenced to work shoveling excrement with a trowel on a pig farm for the rest of their natural lives.

11. I know that pork-barrel spending is simply stealing from the entire country for the benefit of a select few.

12. I know that the government has no business in the bedroom nor in the parlor, what goes on between consenting adults is their business, as long as it stays their business. In the parlor, the government has no business regulating "morality" on television, as people maintain the ability to change channels (or turn off the idiot box) as they see fit. A corollary of this is that marriage is fundamentally a civil union between two people, no different that any other contract between two people (inasmuch as the government should be involved). Religion should only dictate who, among that religions followers, may or may not marry.

13. When it comes to regulating morality anywhere else, the government has no business regulating that either, as morals are based in religion, and what one religion considers acceptable (Mormons/plural marriage, catholics/transubstantiation, Scientologists/brainwashing actors and other retards, Muslims/screwing goats/enslaving women) other religions find abhorrent. Since the government is not designed to be a mediator for religions, they have no business in legislating morality, as it impinges on personal freedom to do so.

14. I know that English should be the established language of government, and anyone who can't read/write/speak it has three options: 1. learn it, 2. hire an interpreter, 3. suffer.

15. I know that anyone convicted of voter fraud is attempting to defraud the entire nation, and should be put in a very small, yet porous box and set afloat in the ocean.

16. I know that as a melting pot, America finds its greatest strength. Those who refuse to assimilate should be invited to leave--not by the government, but by the local population.

17. I know that career criminals, drug dealrs and mafiosi should all be hung on butcher's hooks and left in the sun to rot. Corrupt government officials shall be boiled (slowly, starting from cold) in the pig droppings listed in #10.

18. I know that the UN serves no useful purpose, and as such, we should no longer support it. The countries who remain in the UN are welcome to reestablish it in whichever country they choose (Rwanda and Darfur are the first places that come to mind.)

19. I know that both the Democrat party and Republican Party have devolved to putting forth candidates who epitomize the least common denominator.

20. I know that bi-partisan is just another word for compromise, and compromise means that neither side gets what they want, and that the people elect leaders who will make changes and stick to their principles--not settle or sell out.

21. Finally, I know that it is not necessary to trust your government to be a good citizen--but it is necessary to love your country.

Others may argue that I am not properly educated (ivy league) enough to be President, or that I don't have the professional street cred--not a lawyer, or political scientist, or that I don't come from the right background, or family.

What I do have is courage of my convictions, candor, confidence and a desire to see America retain its position as the place in the world where freedom is sacred above all else, where anyone can aspire to succeed, and where other nations tremble at the thought of our anger.


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