Monday, October 13, 2008

Now I get it.

I've always wondered why, after a particularly long, insightful, or even provocative post, I get somewhere between 0 and 10 comments.

The Mrs., on the other hand, could give you an update on the weather and ya'll will inundate her with commentary.

I didn't get it, until I saw this story about Rupert, the preemie deer who lived at an animal shelter.

The comments are off the charts, and the worst of them are from the blubbering dunderheads that mourn Rupert's death.

First, with a name like Rupert, all of the other deer would've laughed at him and called him names.

I saw the claim that Rupert was "born by emergency C-section when his mom was killed by a car."

Do people really do that? The last time Carren hit a deer, I got out to a) inspect the damage to the car, b) check if the offending deer was dead (it wasn't) and c) looked around for something heavy or pointy to deaden the deer. (I had neither, and that's likely for the best, as the stunned deer got up and trotted off a few minutes later.) I damn sure didn't look to see if the Doe had a bun in the oven, and if it did, sure wouldn't have performed an "emergency C-section." Hell, I would love to see the look on the state trooper's face when that question, or the request to call an ambulance, popped up.

I suppose it's the all the combined gnashing of teeth and rending of hair over the death of a deer.

Seriously. This deer was found in October, and wasn't born yet. Ever wonder about those spots on a fawn's back? They replicate the patterns made by sunlight on the forest floor in the springtime. Deer rut (mate) in Nov-December, and usually give birth in late spring. Those dots look just like the spots made on the forest floor as sunlight percolates through the early leaf growth...

A deer born mature enough to survive, even for a few weeks, this late in the season would've likely resulted in death for the fawn and the mother, as she wouldn't have been able to maintain enough caloric intake to produce milk, and the winter forage wouldn't have been enough to sustain her as she recovered from the birth.

Either way, it's the personification that really irks me. Animals have personality. Animals have intelligence--to a limited degree. And that varies by animal. My Dog is very smart--not too intuitive, but smart. Our skinny cat is so dumb as to be retarded. It is a constant amazement that he manages to find his way to the food bowl twice a day, and doesn't evacuate his bowels every time the dog walks in the room. (Not every time.) The fat cat, on the other hand, is so stunningly intelligent, he often unintentionally rolls off of things while awake; and he has missed more than his fair share of jumps, including one from my nightstand to my headboard, all of two feet. The dead cat (the one that died last spring) was so dumb he got lost in the house EVERY NIGHT and we had to call him so he could find our bedroom and stop meowing. That cat was only an IQ point or two shy of humping doorknobs.

But the "awww, poor widdle deer bebeh is in heaven with the angels now..." tripe is nauseating. If deer go to heaven, it's to keep the injuns on the happy hunting grounds well, happy.

The only tragedy I could find in the whole story is that there were 174 commenters who did a group cry and pants-wetting over the death of something so cute. I suppose ugly, non-expressive, lesser intelligent animals are okay to kill, as clams, tuna, and paramecium fit the bill. Unfortunately rodents are grouped into the furry/fuzzy= cute meme. There are lots of pictures of hamsters, rats, gerbils, and squirrels in casts, head collars, etc. after vet visits. Really? How much do you want to set Raggot's widdel weg? $200? Okay! Of course, now I don't have any $ for my health care insurance, but... awww, he just peed on my hand...

Likely, these are the same people who think the government should provide animals rights, and even health care (it does provide health care--in the form of hunting and fishing seasons.)

But now I get it. Cute=Comments. Carren is Cuter than me, so, = more comments.

Comment away!

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