Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Chuck's Healthcare Bill

1. Rights.
You have a right to have access to health care.  This means you cannot be denied emergency, or otherwise lifesaving measures, at any hospital, based on your ability to pay.  It does not mean you don't have to pay your bills.  It also means that if you don't have the means to pay, a hospital is not responsible for anything beyond emergency or lifesaving measures.  Expect to be back on the street as soon as the ER doctor is reasonably sure you won't bleed to death while waiting for the bus.

2.  You have the right to enter into a contract with a health insurance company.  You have the right to review said contract before you enter into it, and if you later find yourself NOT covered by the contract, because you failed to read or understand the contract, too damn bad.

3.  If your doctor says your condition is not pre-existing, then it isn't.  If your doctor says it is, then it is.  If an insurance company says otherwise, that's swell, but they still have to pay for your health care, if covered.  If you are covered at the time of illness or injury, they cannot drop your coverage until you are either healthy, or dead.  Remission doesn't count as "healthy."

4.  If you don't have health insurance, and can't pay for medical care, your life is going to be rather shorter, or at the very least, suck in your old age.  Other than emergency lifesaving medical care, you're screwed.

5.   Much of this policy is predicated on the fable of the grasshopper and the ant.  The grasshopper died, if you'll recall.  If the ant helped the grasshopper, he would die too.  Society is not responsible to you to provide for you in your old age, illness, or injury.  You are responsible for you and yours.  If private charitable organizations set out to help you in any way, thank them, but don't expect them to care for you, and the government is no charity, either.

6.  You have the right to make your way in life as best as possible.  There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.  Some will survive, so0me will live in comfort, some will barely get by, and some won't.  Don't expect (or demand!) that others care for you, at the expense of their own safety, security, or survival, as you've done nothing to provide for them.

7.  Final option:  The government will, if you choose, take care of all of your medical and health needs for you, for the rest of your life.  However, by agreeing to such, you will eat when and what you are given.  You will participate only in activities which are approved as safe.  All real property and other items of value will be surrendered to the government to provide for payment of your health management.  You will not participate in any activity which could lead to illness or injury.  You will maintain a lifestyle approved by your government provided physician, which includes exercise, weight management, health management, and health education.  Diet, clothing, recreation, travel and transportation, leisure and work activities will be strictly controlled.  95% of all your earnings will be surrendered to the government to cover the costs of keeping you alive.  The other 5% of your income is yours to dispose of as you choose, provided you do not violate other measures of this contract.  Upon your demise, any remaining property or possessions will be sold and the proceeds used to balance your health care account, and any remainder will be paid into the general welfare fund.  Your body will be harvested for organs, and the rest used to feed hogs.

8.  If you attempt to circumvent billing procedures by hospitals by failing to provide identification, trying to leave without paying or establishing a means to pay, you are stealing and driving up the costs for people who DO pay for their health care, and thereby limiting their ability to care for themselves.  You are causing them injury-by-proxy, and as such will be arrested and charged with committing assault with intent to kill (3rd degree), grand larceny, and general asshattedness (1st Degree.)  The third charge is punishable by amputation of two limbs (your choice) and irreversible sterilization.  You will be billed for both procedures.

9.  Nothing in this bill shall apply to health care for illegal non-citizens, as they are invisible to the laws, customs, and society of the United States.  They shall not be permitted access to any hospital for any care, emergency or otherwise.  If they do receive health care, the hospital is responsible for costs, and is also responsible for reporting the illegal alien to DHS for immediate deportation.

10.  Tort Reform.  Anyone may sue for malpractice, however, if their suit is determined to be unfounded, or frivolous (by a jury or judge) then the plaintiffs (and their lawyer) are responsible to pay the defendant the total amount they were seeking for redress.  If  a lawyer loses more than five such malpractice cases, they will lose their license forever.  If a doctor is found guilty of negligence, misconduct resulting in injury, or malpractice, they shall lose their license to practice medicine (except in a prison).  In any award of malpractice, the total amount awarded will not exceed 50% of the net worth of the victim plus 20 years' current salary, except in the case of a minor, where award limits are set at $10 million plus free comprehensive healthcare for life, paid by the doctor and/or facility responsible.

11.  Members of Congress shall have no government-provided health care other than what is offered to any government employee.  If a member of congress works in the government for 20 or more years, they are offered the same retirement health care benefits of any other retired government employee.  In any case, they are limited to the same requirements as any other citizen.


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