When I think back on the greatest year of my life, I think the thing I'll remember most fondly are the times I've spent with my friends.
I've been given another opportunity to hang out with them this morning, beginning at 0630. This will, of course, be my eighth or ninth "random" urinalysis testing since school started in August. That means, on average, I've somehow managed to provide the Army with a quart of my urine over these last nine months.
I can only hope that my next assignment will have a Battalion commander who is as interested in my piss as this one. Okay, the recorded message you get at 0450 begins with "By order of the battalion commander., you have been randomly selected to come in to work in an hour and a half, and to then pee in a tiny bottle while a stranger watches you do it." Or something like that. Like I said, the meds are trying to wind themselves down at this point, I'm not fully awake, and I have to pee really bad because someone woke me up to tell me to come pee... in an hour and a half.
At this point I would rather be charged with SOMETHING instead of just being woken up a couple hours early to enjoy the hangover from the pain meds and sleeping pills. I usually get to sleep through the tapering off of effectiveness, which is remarkably like going out and really tying one on, then staying awake until you sober up--completely. You're tired, your head hurts, and someone won't stop bothering you about filling little cups with pee.
This is SO going in my CGSC novel/screenplay. I will, of course, be played by either Daniel Craig or Kevin James. It all depends on how many nude scenes I put in it.
Seriously though... Eight times in nine months? How is this random?