Who let these retards out on their own?

So....

Three hikers (Americans) decide to take a trip along the Iraq-Iran border.  Hikers are picked up by the Iranian Revolutionary Guard, and are now being held as spies by Iran.  Iran is demanding $500,000 bail. (I'll be more direct, and simply call it a ransom.)

Of course...

There are calls by some to "Go in and get them."  This is most often said by people who have nothing to lose by "Us" or "We" doing something.

But...

You may wonder, why am I not calling for their release?

Simply, these hikers thought the Iraq-Iran border would be a good place to go for a hike.

I've been there.  There isn't anything worth looking at (except sand, scorpions, lizards, and al-quds shipping arms west to insurgents in Iraq in this supposedly "scenic Kurdish region.")  It is hot.  Damn hot.  So hot you'd expect the flies to explode like popcorn.  So hot, you will consider trying to suck-start a cigarette without any ignition sources.

The hikers' families claim they just inadvertently strayed across the border.  I can see how this might happen, as hikers NEVER use GPS thingies, and instead rely on dead reckoning with a map and compass to get around in a life-stealing desert along a border with a country run by an international madman of savagery.  Of course, it could be they couldn't get a decent satellite signal, after all there are only like 40 various GPS satellites available over that region (and few, if any, are scrambled, thanks to President Clinton.)

I don't want these three back.   A cool half-million isn't a ransom, it's a huge tax on their families--a tax on them for raising, and then unleashing on the world, three people who are so colossally stupid that they deserve to languish in an Iranian prison.  It's farcical for Iran to claim they are spies; after all, we have much smarter spies than those who get caught trying to walk across a border.  Our spies are all people who pose as journalists for the New York Times, Newsweek, and CNN.  You'd think the Iranians would know that.  That's why these "Journalists" have such an anti-America slant on their stories, so they can buddy up to these governments to spy on them.

However, I don't think it is right for the US to allow any nation to detain our citizens without due process of law, and without access to lawyers, without all of the amenities we provide for the guests at GITMO, (including the tropical island prison).  We should tell the Iranians that if they don't release the prisoners by Thursday, then we will launch a shuttle mission with a payload of 50,000 pounds of a single, solid piece of Iron, with steering fins, and we'll drop it right on Tehran.  No muss, no fuss, nuclear-megaton sized damage, no radioactivity (maybe).  Best part is, now that NASA has "retired" the shuttle missions, we can use all of them as our new fleet of  B-3 Bombers.  Just a few of these--bombs that cannot be stopped, that cause no environmental or long lasting harm, bombers that cannot be shot down, and soon we'd see the world tremble when the State Department rattled its saber.

Sure the UN would whine about "Arming Space" but the fact is, 99% of the banana republics represented by the UN would Arm Space in a millisecond, and hold the world hostage in a nanosecond, if given the opportunity.

Anyway, screw those idiot hikers.  Don't give Iran didly, make the hikers a non-issue, one that gets zero attention, and Iran will release them because they benefit nothing from keeping them.

--Chuck