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Monday, May 30, 2011
Dad
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Tributes
Capt. Daniel W. Eggers, who was killed in Afghanistan with three other servicemembers May 29, 2004, near Kandahar, was remembered March 20 by those closest to him after a ceremony that renamed Kabul Compound in his honor.

Eggers' wife, Capt. Rebecca L. Eggers, who was unable to attend the ceremony, said the two things people will remember most about her spouse are his "insane sense of humor and the fact that he treated everyone equally, both in his personal life and his professional life."

"He reached out to those less fortunate without making them feel embarrassed by their situation," Mrs. Eggers said in an e-mail from her office at Fort Bragg, N.C., where she is serving at the U.S. Army Special Operations Command.

"He was humbled by the handicapped," she continued. "He was an extremely spiritual person that let his faith guide him."

Also killed that day with Eggers were Sgt. 1st Class Robert J. Mogensen, Spc. Joseph A. Jeffries and Navy Petty Officer 1st Class Brian J. Ouellette.

The four men were fatally wounded by an improvised explosive device while returning to their base as they tried to avoid another IED in the road.

Eggers' former neighbor, Jeffrey Weber of Manhattan, Kan., said in an e-mail posted on the Fallen Heroes Memorial Web site, "I am proud to have grown up next door to Daniel Eggers. I have received the deepest inspiration from his example. I am a better person today because of my proximity to such a selfless hero."

Kris Mitchell of Columbus, Ga., went to school with Eggers and was a sophomore while he was a junior at The Citadel Military College in South Carolina.

"As a cadet, I knew him from ROTC; as a lieutenant, I knew him as a 'Cottonbaler.' I also knew him as a friend – admired and respected by all," he wrote in another e-mail posted on the Web site.

"I was proud to see him in his Green Beret, it was him. At the 2003 homecoming, I asked him about Special Forces and how he liked it. He told me that it was the best place for him and he loved it! Dan was a great man! I am honored to know him."

Brian Ouellette of Uxbridge, Mass., a brother of Michael Ouellette, wrote in another e-mail, "My brother was surrounded with the best of the best."

Mrs. Eggers said she and her husband came into the military in 1997, and being half of a dual-military couple was much like being half of any dual-income family.

"You learn to split everything, to include cooking dinner, picking up the children and doing the housework," she wrote in the e-mail.

"Since we both worked the same amount of time, there was never an expectation that one of us would pull more of the load at home.

"We were extremely lucky in that, while we were in school, we were able to be stationed together fairly easily. And, until Dan became SF, he hadn't been on a deployment for more than 30 days."

Mrs. Eggers went on to say they were fortunate in that they didn't have to leave their two children, John Joseph Eggers, 6, and William Howard Eggers, 4, at the same time, "something that happens more and more often now."

"So, for us having two military members in the same family was not nearly as difficult as I know some people's situations are," she wrote. "He was a wonderful husband and father, and we miss him dearly."


Lt. Col. Garnet R. Derby, commander of 3rd Battalion, 8th Cavalry Regiment, was killed Monday in a suicide car bomb attack in northern Iraq that also killed three of his soldiers and an Iraqi interpreter.
Derby, 44, of Missoula, Mont., was the 19th Army lieutenant colonel killed in Iraq since the beginning of the war and is believed to be one of only three battalion commanders killed by hostile fire in that war. The other soldiers killed in the attack were Sgt. Joshua A. Ward, 30, of Scottsville, Ky.; Pfc. Albert R. Jex, 23, of Phoenix, Ariz.; and Pfc. Jonathan R. Roberge, 22, of Leominster, Mass.

Derby, who went by the name Gary, and his soldiers were on their way to a combat operating outpost in a western Mosul neighborhood about 11 a.m. Monday when his Humvee was hit by the suicide car bomber, Army officials said."We honor Lt. Col. Derby and the members of his PSD who made the ultimate sacrifice in the defense of freedom for not only the people of Iraq but for the lives of our citizens in America as well," Col. Gary Volesky, commander of 3rd BCT, 1st Cavalry, said during the service, according to information from Multi-National Division-North. "Of all the soldiers I have known and lost during my time in the Army, I have never lost a closer friend than Gary Derby."

Derby enlisted in 1985 as a cavalry scout in the Montana National Guard and was commissioned as an armor officer in 1989, according to 3rd Battalion, 8th Cavalry's Web site. He has served as a tank platoon leader, company executive officer and battalion maintenance officer with 3rd Battalion, 64th Armor Regiment, 1st Brigade, 3rd Infantry Division, in Schweinfurt, Germany; operations officer of the Sacramento Recruiting Battalion in California; company commander with 3rd Battalion, 69th Armor Regiment, 1st Brigade, 3rd Infantry Division, at Fort Stewart, Ga.; and as a staff trainer at the National Training Center at Fort Irwin, Calif.

After attending the Command and General Staff College at Fort Leavenworth, Kan., Derby was assigned to 1st Battalion, 67th Armor Regiment, 2nd BCT, 4th Infantry Division, at Fort Hood, where he served as a battalion S-3 when the unit deployed to Baqubah, Iraq, from 2003 to 2004, and later as the brigade's executive officer, from 2004 to 2005. From 2005 to 2006 he served as the 4th ID and Multi-National Division-Baghdad chief of operations in Baghdad, and his most recent assignment was as the deputy chief of staff of 4th ID.

His awards and decorations include the Bronze Star with one oak leaf cluster, the Purple Heart, the Army Meritorious Service Medal with three oak leak clusters, the Army Commendation Medal, the Iraqi Campaign Medal, the Global War on Terrorism Expeditionary and Service medals, and the Combat Action Badge. He also had the Order of Saint George and Order of Saint Maurice bronze medallions and the covenant Tarantula Belt Buckle #358.




Capt. Josh Byers was killed July 23 when a homemade bomb was placed under his Humvee outside Ramadi, Iraq.

"We lost one of our best and brightest last week and the world is now a darker place," Lt. Dan Lawrence, who served with Byers, said at a memorial service at Fort Carson.
About 600 soldiers — some back because of combat injuries — wives of troops still in Iraq and others crammed Soldier's Memorial Chapel.

They told stories about how he could make people laugh in the toughest times. How he once pulled on red, white and blue boxer shorts and wrapped a Kuwaiti flag around his shoulders like a cape and struck a pose.

"He proceeded to stand by for photos," said Staff Sgt. Sean Watson, who witnessed the morale-boosting antics.

Others recalled heroic acts, including his tiptoeing into a minefield to rescue children who had ventured there in search of firewood and pushing a fellow captain behind a wall as shrapnel poured down on them.

"Afterward, he said he didn't remember doing it," said Capt. Jesse Sellars, Byers' best friend. "He was the finest among all of us."

Byers, a 1996 West Point graduate, commanded Fox Troop, 2nd Squadron, 3rd Armored Cavalry Regiment.

He was married to Kim Byers and was the son of Baptist missionaries Lloyd and Mary Byers and himself was a Southern Baptist lay leader. His parents are director of missions for the Guam Baptist Association. Lloyd Byers earlier served as a pastor in Sparks, Nev., Mountville, S.C., and Mt. Airy, Ga.

Byers attended high school in Sparks, Nev.

--Chuck
Memorial Day

For the past six years, four battle-hardened warriors have stood watch vigilantly outside the 25th Infantry Division’s Headquarters, Schofield Barracks, Hawaii.  They remain on duty year after year.  Cast in bronze, four Soldiers, each representing the different wars the Division was called to fight, they are the 25th Infantry Division Memorial. 
As we celebrate Memorial Day, we reflect on the strength, courage and selfless service that inspires our Soldiers to dedicate the last full measure of devotion to our great Country.  These heroes unfailingly place the needs of others above their own in a way that is truly humbling.  Rare are those who not only hear their country’s call, but also willingly give their lives in answer.  These brave Americans left their families, livelihoods, and friends, all in simple obedience to duty.
We are proud, so very proud of those that came before us.  It falls to us, the living, to honor those who gave everything to protect our way of life and who represent the true strength of our Nation.  Through our service we honor their legacy and personal commitment, and with great humility, accept ownership of their sacrifices.
On this day we reflect with pride and will never forget all those who have gone before us.  May their spirit stand with us, inspiring and guiding us toward and through our next challenge… and may we respond with the same courage, determination, and dedication.
Friday, May 27, 2011
The end of a mission
A Heartfelt Goodbye to a Spirited Mars Rover


~~Code Monkey (who will admit that she likes some technology more than some of the people in her life)
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Laying in the recovery room after emergency surgery at Walter Reed Hospital, Ziegenfuss woke up and noticed an unfamiliar woman sitting by his side. “I’m Kathleen,” she said. “I’m a Soldiers’ Angel. Would you like some soup?” She had waited until he came out of surgery and stayed until he woke up—just so there would be someone there when he woke up. That’s what Soldiers’ Angels do. They wait. They care.

Go RTWT.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Towel Day is an annual celebration on the 25th of May, as a tribute to the late author Douglas Adams (1952-2001). On that day, fans around the universe proudly carry a towel in his honour.

Why a towel, you ask?
A towel, it says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapors; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (such a mind-bogglingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.

More importantly, a towel has immense psychological value. For some reason, if a strag (strag: non-hitch hiker) discovers that a hitch hiker has his towel with him, he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of a toothbrush, face flannel, soap, tin of biscuits, flask, compass, map, ball of string, gnat spray, wet weather gear, space suit etc., etc. Furthermore, the strag will then happily lend the hitch hiker any of these or a dozen other items that the hitch hiker might accidentally have "lost". What the strag will think is that any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still knows where his towel is, is clearly a man to be reckoned with.

Hence a phrase that has passed into hitchhiking slang, as in "Hey, you sass that hoopy Ford Prefect? There's a frood who really knows where his towel is." (Sass: know, be aware of, meet, have sex with; hoopy: really together guy; frood: really amazingly together guy.) ”

— Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Towel acquired.  Let the adventures begin.

~~The hoopy Code Monkey (42)


PS  Chuck, I think you left the towel off your list when we were talking about go-kits. Please amend for future requests.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Dear Dr. Chuck,
Dear Dr. Chuck,
I am an adult baby.  I am thirty and a half years old.  I am being told by adults that being given money by the government for my condition is wrong.
I wrote to the Washington Times the following letter:
“You wanna test how damn serious I am about leaving this world, screw with my check that pays for this apartment and food. Try it. See how serious I am. I don’t care,” the California man said. “I have no problem killing myself. Take away the last thing keeping me here, and see what happens. Next time you see me on the news, it will be me in a body bag.
I cannot believe that they would put my diaper and formula money in jeopardy.  Where would I and Nana Sandra go if our disability checks were to go away?
Can you offer suggestions to make them take me seriously?
Sincerely,
Stanley

PS:  I have also sent a picture of me and Nana Sandra while I was having an afternoon snack.

Dear Stanley,
I am so glad that you've reached out to me in your time of need.  Normally, I would have to research the intricacies of Paraphilic Infantilism, and might even consult with a social worker who has a handy copy of the GSM-IV with which to explain just what. the. fuck. your problem really is.

But like you, this isn't normal.

But don't blow-out your pampers just yet, Stanley.  I have a list of solutions for you:
1.  Probably the fastest way to solve your problem would be through the appropriate use of chemistry.  No, I'm not talking about getting your lithium dosages increased to the LD 99 dosage--babies need hugs, not drugs!  No, I'm thinking that the best chemistry for you would be


4 KNO3 + C7H8O → 3 K2CO3 + 4 CO2 + 2 H2O + 3 N2

with a Pb chaser.  Apply liberally behind the ear, approximately 1/2 oz at a time.

2.  If chemistry isn't your thing, there are other ways that you could try to find a suitable solution for your problem.  Perhaps Nana Sandra would permit a 94th trimester abortion?  I am sure the good folks at planned parenthood would have no problems spending my tax dollars on that, too.

3.  If Nana Sandra isn't really up to the free medical care, maybe you could find a nice dry cleaning bag to play with?  Or maybe you could find a nice planer in your woodworking kit and trim your obese ass into something that can sit center-mass on the john, so you don't have to wear pull-ups your whole life.

4.  If none of these seem suitable for you, I suggest you have Nana pick you up a new bedtime story called Final Exit.  I am sure that somewhere in its pages you will find *just* the right way to stop sucking on the teat of publilc benefit, the way you obviously weren't allowed to do with your mother.

Finally, please consider others when you do decide.  Be sure to figure out a way to take your Nana Sandra with you, as she will certainly be at a loss until she can find someone else to enable.  Please consider making a donation of your worldly goods to the nice firemen--see their big truck!  Woooo Wooooo--that are going to have to cut  hole in your wall to get you out of the apartment.  Maybe you could even build your own coffin.  Just be sure to reinforce the handles and the bottom with, I don't know, titanium to support the weight of you fat ass and to put a big eye bolt in the center so the crane can lower you into hole in the potter's field.

Thanks again for seeking me out,

--Dr. Chuck
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
A Polite society
I was wrong, what I wrote in the previous post.  And what I wrote hurt people who are very close to me.  I rarely offer a retraction, or an apology, because I write from the heart and take the stance of "this is how I feel, take it or leave it."  But I was wrong.  For all my readers and friends who wear blue, I apologize for my words, which cheapen your sacrifice.  For a very important friend, I am ashamed that I put you in a position where you feel like you have to choose, that I didn't consider you, and that I upset you.  For that I am truly sorry.  You are my best friend and confidant, and I would never have knowingly hurt you.

Police don't exist in a vacuum.  For every bad cop out there, there are thousands of great cops.  These police do the grunt work of keeping our society safe.  Sure, there are the bad eggs, just like there are in the military.  We have our fair share of assholes in green, and they have there share in blue.  The thing that binds us together is a love of country and hope for our country.  Those thousands of good cops deserve the same benefit of the doubt that we give soldiers.  When someone screams about the police stepping over the line, we need to examine the evidence at hand, and examine the situation with the belief that the police are trying to do the right thing, and that we may not understand the whole situation.

The few bad cops that do exist, when found, should be prosecuted.  That is why we have laws.  We should not celebrate when anyone serving our country, in green or blue, is killed, even if they were in the wrong.  Take, for example, the Haditha marines.  Had they been in the wrong, as originally accused, would we celebrate their deaths if they were killed in the line of duty?  Absolutely not.  And most police, and I am sure even the ones led by sheriff dupnik, thought they were doing the right thing.  They thought they were protecting us.  At some level there was a fuckup of collossal proportions, but at the end-user level, where  the rubber meets the road, there were just a group of police trying to do their jobs.
I've raided houses on bad intel.  I've been in a situation where I had a weapon pointed at an old woman and a young boy leapt out in the dark and grabbed the barrel of my rifle.  I don't know if it was the grace of god, good training, discipline, or plain indecision, but I didn't shoot.  If I had, it would've been tragic, but I'd have been in the right.

Police operate in situations like that every day.  They have a heightened level of awareness, because if they don't they risk not coming home to their families.  In some cases, police operate in a deadlier environment than we do in Afghanistan or Iraq.  Granted, they don't often have to face IEDs or mortar fire but they deal with a population that is at best wary of their actions, if not always openly hostile.  They deal with situations where their lives are on the line and every detail of their actions will be scrutinized by a public that assumes their guilt, instead of the guilt of the choir boys they deal with.  They don't get the benefit of a supportive populace or friendly operating environment or public that honestly believes that they are doing the honorable thing--they don't get the benefit of the doubt, and they should.

I can't imagine operating in those conditions.  The closest I can come to understanding that is seeing the way we, as a nation, treated our returning Vietnam veterans.  Those soldiers had to operate in a very difficult combat environment, and felt like no matter whet they did, they would be eviscerated in the media.  Truth be told, I wouldn't operate in an environment like that, not as a soldier. 

For some reason, we tend to treat our police that way--with scorn, derision, and suspicion.  Maybe we are prejudiced because bad cops make the headlines, while good cops don't, unless they are killed in the line of duty.  Maybe it's because 70% of all crime dramas deal with bad cops or other public servants, and more Americans seem to get their education from bad TV than they do from real life..  I don't know.  The more I think about it, the more my friend has every right to be pissed off at me for jumping on the cop-bashing bandwagon.

The police are on our side.  Give them your respect, because they earn it every day.  They risk, everything, every time they put on a uniform and go to work.  Like everyone else, sometimes they make bad decisions, but generally they don't.  What the vast majority of them do is strive to maintain that polite society that we all want.

--Chuck
Sunday, May 15, 2011
An Armed Society
Everything below is bullshit.

Police aren't perfect.  Some police are very far from perfect.  Over at Blackfive, Laughing Wolf highlights just how far from perfect some police are--taking it upon themselves to not only violate established police procedure, trample over the rights of a citizen without cause or proof, assault his home like keystone kops on a rampage, and finally murder him--by shooting and then denying medial care for over an hour.  Naturally, they claimed that the house wasn't secure, so they couldn't let the medics come in--no reason they couldn't bring the wounded Marine to the medics.  The house must've been HUGE, too, because it took them over an hour to clear it.  Having cleared houses before, it actually takes about twenty minutes--and that's if you've an enemy that is actively opposing you.
This isn't just about The Murderers led by Dupnik, though.  This post is about being armed.  Police organizations nationwide take stances against open and concealed carry.  They claim that they do this because they believe in safety.  This is a stupid argument.

Police treat everyone they meet as though they are armed--it's why they stand just behind you when they pull you over, and why they will often have 1 or 2 backup cars show up for a highway traffic stop.  Thy treat everyone as though they are armed for the officer's safety.  This makes sense.  Police can't tell by looking at you if you are a law-abiding citizen or a criminally insane psychopath.  It's why they carry guns--so that if they need one, they have one.

However, police organizations don't want you, the law abiding citizen to have that same protection--to be able to defend yourself, and others, if that psychopath goes on a murdering rampage.  It wasn't a cop who stopped Jared Lee Loughner's murderous rampage, it was a citizen.  It wasn't a cop who stopped terrorists on flight 93 from flying their airplane into the Capitol, it was a group of citizens.

Even if every state passed laws forbidding gun ownership, let alone the carrying of guns, every time you ran into a cop, they would still treat you as a potential threat.  Do you know why?  Because they know that criminals, being criminals, are pretty unlikely to obey gun laws; and they are unable to tell just by looking at you if you are a criminal or not.

So why shouldn't you have the same protection that police have?  As an unarmed citizen, do you have some magical power that allows you to tell who the criminals are and avoid them?  Are you able to raise a magical force-field when you get attacked by a criminal?  Or are you supposed to call a cop, who has a gun, while the criminal waits around to not attack you?

You have a right to defend yourself, and you have a right to have the means with which to defend yourself.  Carrying a concealed weapon doesn't make you more- or less-likely to commit a crime.  Carrying a weapon openly doesn't make you more likely to be targeted by a criminal--a predator looks for the weakest member of the herd, not the ones with the means to kill him.  Carrying concealed, on the other hand, relieves the section of the population that pees their pants and screams for the police at the mere sight of a holstered weapon.  This alleviates the police having to respond to 911 calls from them.  Of course, a 911 dispatcher who answers the phone could alleviate it by asking some simple questions.  Here's an example of how that call should go:
911 Dispatcher: "911, what's your emergency?"
Caller: "OMG, there's a person here with a gun! Help!"
911 Dispatcher:  "Is this person doing anything with their gun?  Is he acting violent?"
Caller:  "Um, no... not yet.  But he could.  He's wearing it right on his hip, and he doesn't have a badge!"
911 Dispatcher:  "So this person is simply carrying a gun?"
Caller:  "Yes!  And it scares me!"
911 Dispatcher:  "Would you feel safer if this person put the gun underneath their shirt, so you couldn't see it right away?"
Caller:  "Certainly I would.  I don't want to see those evil murderous things."
911 Dispatcher:  "Okay--here's what you need to do:  Close your eyes and turn around.  Then open your eyes.  You now are unable to see the person with the gun.  Do you feel safer?"
Caller:  "Are you crazy?  He's STILL THERE!"
911 Dispatcher:  "Of course he is.  If you left, would you feel safer?"
Caller:  "What?  I have a right to be here!"
911 Dispatcher:  "So does he.  He still isn't doing anything dangerous, is he?"
Caller:  "Um, no.  Not YET."
911 Dispatcher:  "Okay.  we'll send a car over as soon as we're done dealing with the people who are actively trying to hurt someone.  Until then, I would like you to hide under a nearby desk, or in a closet.  If you can, leave the area and get to your local gun shop, where you can purchase your own gun.  That way, if you feel threatened, you have the means to defend yourself.
Caller:  "Okay.  Wait.  What?"
911 Dispatcher: *Click*

Police should be wary every time they pull over a car... and they should be wary every time they raid a house.  They should worry that the person on the other side of that door has the means to defend themselves, and they should worry that if they are at the wrong house, (it has happened more that you'd care to believe) that the person on the other side of the door has the means to kill them like they would any other intruder.

And in the instance of a raid at a mistaken address, where a police officer is killed by an armed citizen, then a parade should be held for that citizen.  If a police officer kills a citizen at a mistaken address raid, or while executing a warrant-less search, or a search like the one in Arizona that cost a young Marine combat veteran who had committed no crime, had no criminal history, was a decorated veteran, family man and hard-working employee his life--because the police lacked the most basic firearms discipline, had a negligent discharge, and responded to their own weapon going off by firing 70 rounds--and killing a Marine who had committed no crime.
That's a really long run-on sentence to say this:  Every cop who raided that house should be put on trial for murder.  Plain and simple.  They violated his rights, they raided his home, and their own ineptitude caused his death--all by actions which they initiated.
Armed societies are polite societies.  If you treat everyone you meet as though they have the means to kill you, and they do likewise, it's amazing how fast petty crimes cease.  It's even more amazing how fast violent crimes drop.  And police, believing that every citizen really does have the means to defend themselves, will be far more likely to consider whether they want to diffuse a potentially dangerous situation.


--Chuck
Security questions
My bank configures a security question and answer for customer service calls. In addition to your SSN, date of birth, and mother's maiden name they also ask you the question you specify and wait for the answer you've provided. This is good, because many standard questions are guessable in a way that user-defined questions may not be.

Bank Secret Question & Answer

A real live human operator always asks the question and waits for a real live answer. This measure has the potential to not just improve my account security but add entertainment value as well:

Q: Do you know why I think you're so sexy?
A: Probably because you're totally in love with me.

Q: Need any weed? Grass? Kind bud? Shrooms?
A: No thanks hippie, I'd just like to do some banking.

Q: The Penis shoots Seeds, and makes new Life to poison the Earth with a plague of men.
A: Go forth, and kill. Zardoz has spoken.

Q: What the hell is your problem, sir?
A: This is completely inappropriate and I'd like to speak to your supervisor.

Q: I've been embezzling hundreds of thousands of dollars from my employer, and I don't care who knows it.
A: It's a good thing they're recording this call, because I'm going to have to report you.

Q: Are you really who you say you are?
A: No, I am a Russian identity thief.

Q: For the remainder of this conversation, "How can I help you today?" actually means "Would you like to buy some mescaline?" Do you understand?
A: I understand completely.

Q. Who's the black private dick who's a sex machine to all the chicks?
A. Shaft. Damn right.

Q. Where have all the good times gone?
A. My pants.

Q: Condor 86171, Go Secure.
A: Line Secured. Authorization Alpha Tango One. Proceed.

Q: Tell me honestly, Sir: Are you ready to do some Damn Banking?
A: Hell yes I am. Let's do this.

Q: Do you have any idea how much I hate reading from this stupid script for $7.60 an hour?
A: I am SHOCKED.

Q: You can do it, put your back into it.
A: I can do it, put your ass into it.

Q: Whats the name of your first child?
A: Ham sandwich.

Q: Does my butt look fat in these pants?
A: I need to see a photo. But if youre asking, the answer is probably Yes.

Q. Who wrote the Book of Love?
A. The Marquis de Sade. No, really, look it up.

Q: Does this dress look my ass look fat?
A: No, your ass makes your ass look fat.

Q. Why do fools fall in love?
A. Hormones, beer and low standards.

Q. Why does it burn when I pee?
A. You're using too much torque.

Q: Do you know the answer to your secret question?
A: I'm sorry, I'm having trouble hearing you. Can you repeat that?

Q: Do you speak English?
A: Que?

Q: How do you spell your name?
A: I thought we already covered this?

Q: What's the third word on the fifth page of the Manual?
A: Threepwood

Q: What does Marsellus Wallace look like?
A: What?

Q: Who is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you, never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, never gonna tell a lie and hurt you?


Q: Your account balance is just over fifteen million, four hundred and six thousand dollars, sir. Would you like that in cash?
A: No, gold bullion will be fine, thank you.

Q: What is Love?
A: Baby dont hurt me....... no more

Q: Who put the bomp in the bomp shu-bomp-shu-bomp?
A: Leonard Nemoy.

Q: Is it just me, or does the sound of velcro tearing give you a hard-on?
A: That's pretty messed up buddy. Can I speak to a different rep please?

Q: Meow, do you know how fast you were going?
A: Did you just say 'meow?'

Q: Every morning for weeks, I've been getting into the office before my coworker and farting on her phone and keyboard as much as I possibly can.
A: Ew.

Q: Why don't you knock it off with them negative waves? Why don't you dig how beautiful it is out here? Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?
A: Crap!

Q: Look, Mac, you and us? We're just soldiers, right? We don't even know what this war's all about. All we do is we fight and we die and for what? We don't get anything out of it. In about a half an hour the whole American army's gonna be comin' down that road. Why don't you do yourself a great, big fat favor, huh? And get the hell outta here?
A: I have orders. This bank isn't to fall into the hands of the American army.

Q: Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
A: But... where will we find a pair of galoshes, five pounds of coleslaw, and a llama at this time of day?

Q: Dana?
A: There is no Dana, there is only Zuul.



Q: Can you verify your signature for me?
A: Sure it's
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Hello Friends,
       In the aftermath of the death of the world's most notorious scoundrel, I have created a new painting/post to commemorate the victims of 9/11 and the Global War On Terror. The painting depicts the World Trade Center in the glow of a beautiful morning's sunlight and I am auctioning it through my blog  http://sgtdamonsart.blogspot.com  . The proceeds will go to Homes For Our Troops , a non-profit organization which builds specially adapted homes for Severely Wounded Veterans from Iraq and Afghanistan.Click on the highlighted link above to view .
Deepest Grattitude,
Ret Sgt Peter Damon
Sgt Damon's Art (blog)
Friday, May 06, 2011
Bad moon
FYI, if you are ever wondering if a picture was taken by Mike Yon, just look if any part of it is in focus.  If the answer is yes, it wasn't.

Al-queda has a new strategery
Filth
Sunday, May 01, 2011
Osamathanatopsis: A meditation on the death of the devil
There is one less Saudi-born terrorist multibillionaire in the world today.  I met the news of the death of Osama bin Laden (hereafter referred to as UBF, for UglyBeardedFuckstick™) believe it or not, with mixed emotions.
Relief, because I knew that there was one less truly evil sonofabitch roaming the planet, making plans to kill my family.  Granted, he wasn’t very likely to specifically target my family, but then again, I am the #1 google result for “new funny pictures” so there is always the possibility.
Gratitude, for the hundreds of thousands of military personnel, and the millions of their family members who have sacrificed so much through all of this, and will continue to sacrifice, as this is not the end, any more than killing Hitler in 1942 would’ve brought an end to WWII.  Sure, we stand outside the Whitehouse and in Times square and celebrate and clap and sing and whatever else goes on at these rallies, but it is the families and friends of our fighting men and women who are truly the ones who show support for the troops, far more than a one-off rally or a car magnet.  It is to these silent heroes that we, the military, owe our undying love and gratitude.
Apprehension, because our enemy may very well be emboldened to double down, now that UBF has been brought to room temperature.    Ask yourself, if AQ were to attack and kill the US President, despite what you may think of his administration, would you want, even more, to hunt down and kill everyone even remotely responsible?  What about when you saw pictures of the jubilant celebrations in Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Syria, etc. on 9/12/01?  Do you remember how you felt when you saw that?  Do you think our enemy will feel differently?  The DoD has raised the force protection level across the board--but a smart enemy (and only fools believe their enemy to be anything else) will bide his time, and wait for us to become complacent.
Some things I don’t feel, necessarily, are pride, or joy, or happiness.  I don’t really think it goes well with taking a human life.  Granted, I do believe that UBF was sub-human (see untermensch) but I also believe that we should not let our emotions into the business of killing.  We took UBF to the mattresses, nothing more.  We killed him, with no more regard for him than a cockroach, and we should celebrate his death with the same fanfare.  To do any more only deifies him, and will fuel his martyrdom.

I am, to be sure, glad that the UBF is dead.  I am thankful that he was hunted down and killed.  I am extremely glad that he was not captured, as we can only wonder at what the Department of Justice and Pantywaist Politics would have done had we captured him.  I can easily imagine a trial in the Hauge followed by a strongly worded letter to his parents from the UN, and a sentence of time served because he was forced to live in caves (and later, Pakistan) after 9/11.  A trial like that would certainly have happened, and rest assured, there would be NO death sentence found, either in a US court (no physical proof he actually ordered the attacks--at least none that could be declassified) or in an International court (seriously, Angola, Cuba, Saudi, and China are on the UNHRC).  Clearly, capturing him would have meant, at most, a life sentence in a jail where his "rights" were assiduously monitored, along with his health, and appeals from everyone from Code Pink to Amnesty International calling for his release under humanitarian grounds (He's been rehabilitated!)  All the while every terrorist on the planet conducting attacks and holding hostages until he is released.

This is a win in the War on Terror, or the War on Man-Made Disasters, or whatever the euphemism du jour.   This, however, is not a football game.  In war, the only cause for celebration, in the eyes of a warrior, is its victorious end.  There will still be the empty chair at the table, the salt of tears, the bitterness of friends and family no longer among us,  and the emptiness that comes from their loss.  We will continue this fight, and so will our enemy.  We are in a war for survival as not just a nation, but western civilization as the beacon of light in the world.  In the end, there can be only one winner.  When that day comes, and I am sure it will, I will toast absent companions, and wish them fair skies and following seas, and celebrate.  Until that day, I, and we in the Armed Forces, stand ready, ever vigilant, and ready to do violence on your behalf.
--Chuck