Friday, February 24, 2012

Afghanistan goes full retard

I think I've become way to jaded to meet the Army's intent of providing hugs and kisses and pats on the head to people who are trying to kill us.
Way back in Ought 5, I deployed to Iraq actually hopeful that I was going to help build a safe, secure, and strong, free Iraq.  I was repaid for my efforts with an all-expenses paid, extended vacation to Washington D.C. where I received some of the choicest accomodations available in our nation's capital (Many Presidents and Generals have stayed there) and even had my wife and Mom accompany me for the many months I would reside in the lap of luxury.  The only caveat was that I would also spend the rest of my life with a daily reminder of all the effort I wasted, and exactly what islam was all about.
A few days ago, some soldiers were disposing of Korans at Bagram Air Base.  These Korans were being used by prisoners, who would write in them, and use them to pass messages.  That act, in and of itself, is defacing a Koran.
So defaced Korans are no longer seen as the word of god, because god is pnly pure and clean.
The soldiers did as they were told, and took boxes of religious materials to the incinerator.  Those boxes contained defaced Korans.  Once the soldiers saw what was in the fire, they reached in to save the Korans--burning themselves in the process.
Local National workers saw this, went apeshit, and went around screaming about destroying Korans--Korans you, Mr. and Mrs. Taxpayer, bought and paid for, to provide for prisoners, who then defaced them.
Here's where it gets fun. 
The Local Nationals (who, by the way are illiterate, and recognize *anything* written in Arabic as "Koran") go full retard.  They run home, get their other asshole buddies, and start a riot at the gates.  (Note to Afghan Security Forces:  See Saudi Arabia, Kingdom of, or Jordan, Kingdom of, or Syria, Kingdom of,  for Pro Tips on how to effectively deal with rioting retards in your country.)  That riot spreads word to other assholes, who then riot throughout the country.  They set fires, they attack coalition forces, they attack afghan forces, and the jihadis have a fucking field day.
Then one of the afghan security forces, our "Brothers in Arms" decides to turn around in a guard tower and shoot into a US compound, killing two soldiers.
You assholes write in Korans--which we failed to mention in the early press releases--so we destroy those korans in the same manner that you do.
You assholes riot, destroy equipment, and generally go full retard--we show restraint.
You assholes turn the guns and training we gave you on us--and again, we show restraint.
You assholes seeing a pattern here?
So I am still the ugly American.  I still look over my shoulder, I still have a plan to kill every afghan I see--especially the ones in uniform.  This isn't the first time one of our "partners" has turned his weapon against US troops--either distraught over Koran Burning, or Marines pissing on a dead body, or GITMO, or whatever their excuse du jour is.  And what do we do?  We turn them over to the Afghans for "justice," which usually comes in the form of a long prison sentence (5-10 years) or, more often, nothing.
What we should do, in a just world, is round up this retard, his imam, his villiage elders, and every male adult in his immediate family, and shoot them in front of him, one by one.  He's already a terrorist, we shouldn't show him any mercy.  Then we should castrate him, and every male in his extended family.  Kill the weed at the root, as it were.  There are multiple ways to attack an insurgency, this one is particularly difficult, as it is driven by a perviersion of religion, coupled with poverty and no real national identity, extreme illiteracy, and no real internal solution for any of those problems.  We can build all the schools, hospitals, roads, mosques, airports, playgrounds, and civic centers that every town can hold, and we won't win them over.  We can train out afghan partners about civil rights, human rights, keeping peace, working for the people, but it won't erase genetically ingranied hatred between pashtun and tajik.  We can follow every tenet of the counterinsurgency stratetgy to the letter, and you'll still have hundreds and thousands of people willing to riot at the drop of a hat, individuals willing to turn their weapins on their partners, and a government rivaled only by Chicago for corruption and graft.
There's only one way to be sure to fix the afghan problem:  Nuke it from space.

No comments: