Tuesday, March 06, 2012

I don't think this is what they wanted...

Received this in the mail today:


Collegiate Nation invites military veterans from Iraq and Afghanistan to write blogs


As American military operations in Iraq have ended and other soldiers are returning from Afghanistan, Collegiate Nation, the nation's only student-exclusive social site that has banned all ads and all tracking, announced today its desire to hear from U.S. military veterans attending college or trying to enroll. The company is inviting blog posts from military veterans who, after serving their country, are doing everything they can to transform their lives by pursuing higher education goals.


"We want raw depictions and reports from the ground up on the realities facing our veterans on America's college campuses," said Evelyn Castillo-Bach, the founder of Collegiate Nation.


While Collegiate Nation is known as a community of students who want to connect with other college students with real privacy without being tracked, the site also has a blog section where students can post anonymously or use any name they wish. "We want to make sure that all college students and especially our returning military on America's college campuses have the freedom to freely express themselves, uncensored, so we can learn from them about the realities of their lives," said Castillo-Bach. Students posting blogs on Collegiate Nation have the option to share their blog posts with their college friends only or to post their blogs so the entire world can read it.


So I've come up with a series of article ideas for their consideration:



Post #1:  Why it's pathetically easy to steal any woman away from her pansy-assed-never-done-a-damned-thing-in-his-life-boyfriend.


Post #2:  Why "rip off your head and piss down your throat" is NOT a real threat, despite what any University Academic Behavior review board says.


Post #3:  The post-9/11 GI Bill, or why I learned to stop worrying about paying for college and love killing people.


Post #4:  You want fries with that?  Why do college students with zero experience in the real world believe they deserve better (or anything.)


Post #5:  Why being a 21-year-old freshman with a car is SO making it easy to get your 4-year high school girlfriend to go down on me.


Post #6:  Have you ever met the ether bunny?  You will.  And 7 other dorm-friendly pranks.


Post #7 18 hours a week is not full-time when you're used to working 18 hours *per shift.*


Post #8:  No, Doctor Smith, people will not stop hating America if we just ask them how we can be better for them.


Post #9:  Yes, the "Black Student Union" is racist, when you get right down to it.


Post #10:  The department of Wymyn's studies:  the happy hunting ground for coeds with daddy issues who will soon be unemployable.


Post #11:  Who's gayer, theater majors, art majors, or music majors?


Post #12:  I don't care how many times you've taught Psych 101, my PTSD isn't something I'm going to talk to you about (unless it'll get me out of finals.) *This one worked, actually, in 1993, before I had PTSD!


Post #13:  Editor of the Campus Newspaper?  Wow, you must really want to make a *difference* in the world!


Post #14:  On second thought, maybe it was a bit harsh to put the dean of humanities in a headlock when he corrected me for using the term "Sand Monkeys."


Post #15:  Not everyone on campus who wears a man dress should be patted down at gunpoint before entering the building, but hey, whatever works.


Post #16:  Every student who wears a burkha on campus is more confused than Jino, the Pilipino interpretive jazz dancer in my "Intro to Art" class.


Post #17:  Anyone on campus wearing a shemagh or keffiyeh on campus, who didn't actually get theirs in Afghanistan, should be water boarded.


Post #18:  Water boarding:  Not just for GITMO, also fun at Frat parties when someone tries to keep their girlfriend from going home with me.


Post #19:  Campus Student Conduct Review boards, or why I will no longer refer to the girls in my Wymyn's Studies work group as "Slampiece, Muffdiver & the One with the Moustache."


Post #20:  "Welcome to campus!  You daughter will be sleeping here!" and other fun signs to post on your lawn for freshman orientation


#21:  Occupy whatever you want.  I'm occupying your girlfriend.



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