Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Why I'm not taking a trip to the ER despite being in enough pain to bitch about it.

I hate ER's.

I have to give my medical history since conception, and they ALWAYS treat me like a junkie looking to score, because I can tell them the opioids and dosages that will work, what drugs won't work, and because I don't "look" like I'm in that much pain... until I get angry/frustrated enough to either flip my shit or break down.

Then I get treated... And usually have to have long chats with the psychiatrists about anger/stress management.

 As for bambalances, approximately 40 year old male with complaints of centralized chest pain, peripheral neuropathy and pain in the left arm?  Must be a heart attack.  Give him aspirin to chew and nitroglycerin, (and the migraine to go with it) put him on O2, and don't give him any opioids, because that'll slow his heart rate and respiration down. Last time I spent two days in an ICU, being monitored for my heart, when my gall bladder was tits up... which took them a year to diagnose and remove.

I kept telling them it wasn't my heart, because I don't have one, but they don't listen.

 So I will keep trying to be seen at the interventional pain management clinic at Tripler Army Medical Center. If they play "we're not answering the phone" AGAIN, tomorrow, (which would be the third day I've tried calling, every ten minutes, for hours,) then I am just going to go park my ass in the clinic and refuse to leave until I am either treated or arrested.

 I bet when they do the patient screening, they'll still have the nerve (pun intended) to ask my two favorite questions:
"Are you in any pain today?"
"Have you recently had thoughts about hurting yourself or others?"

 Funny thing... Feel like someone has stuck a knife into your back, then try to get seen for the pain for three days, then tell me if you have thoughts about hurting anyone.

 Of course, I have never thought of hurting myself or others. I'm all kittens and puppies on the inside. Why, My disposition is so damn sunny I'm responsible for global warming, and the rainbows shooting out of my ass have been known to attract unicorns and poets.

It seems I get funnier when I'm in pain. My mom thought this was hilarious.