Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Released back into the wild...

The good news is that I get out of the hostipul today. The bad news is that they're going to put a cast on my left hand. Not sure why, other than to really protect it. Not real enthusiastic about the prospect of having to take a shower with my arm in a bag for the next six weeks.
Carren & I will not be heading home immediately, however. We have to stay here until the 23rd, until I complete occupational and physical therapy. In order to reacquaint myself with the outside world, I decided to read the news today. Here we go...

Dem Stillers Dept:

The NFL said the referee made a mistake: Troy Polamalu caught the ball. The league acknowledged Monday that referee Pete Morelli erred when he overturned on replay Polamalu's interception of a Peyton Manning pass Sunday in the playoff game between Pittsburgh and Indianapolis.”
The facts: anybody with eyes was able to tell Troy caught the ball. Although it didn't affect the outcome of the game, there's no excuse for the referee being able to see this during the replay. Maybe they only get one camera angle, I don't know. Maybe they should just tune it to whatever station is covering the broadcast and listen to what the announcers are saying.
What should happen now: Pete Morelli should have to face away from Jeff Reed, spread his legs about shoulder width apart, place his hands on his knees and take a shot in the pills from the Steelers most talented kicker. If the NFL did this more often, I'm sure the shitty refereeing in the NFL would stop.

One Less Asshole Dept:
“At least four foreign terrorists died in the U.S. airstrike purportedly aimed at al-Qaida's No. 2 leader, the provincial government said Tuesday.”
The facts: first, the Pakistanis said that we killed a bunch of civilians. Now the Pakistanis are saying that although we killed a bunch of civilians, we also killed at least four, maybe five terrorists—all foreign nationals, naturally. (This means that they were probably Afghan.) All the sudden they have gone from huffing and puffing about how we needlessly and carelessly killed all of these poor innocents to espousing the necessity of the strike, and simply calling the collateral damage "Unfortunate."
What should happen now: Business as usual, we should continue to hunt them and kill them where they hide. Oh, and never, ever claim responsibility for attacks from UAV drones. We need to build those drones a lot more stealthy, and then just flat out deny that we pulled the trigger. In this instance, however, since we did kill about 18 civilians, we should take a take herd of goats/sheep/cows and give it to the family of those killed. (And maybe a donkey or two.)

Those crazy Europeans Dept:
“The death penalty is always wrong, but tying a blind 76-year-old man to a chair and injecting him with poison is grotesque,” Council of Europe chairman Terry Davis said in a statement.“I regret that California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has not listened to all the appeals to spare the life of Clarence Ray Allen. As a friend of the United States of America, I look forward to the day this great country will leave the axis of capital punishment.”
The facts: Clarence Ray Allen was convicted of murdering Mary Sue Kitts, which landed him a life sentence in Folsom prison. Six years later, he handed a list of seven names to parolee Billy Ray Hamilton. These names were people who testified against him. While attempting to kill Bryon Schletewitz, Rocha and Douglas Scott White were also slain by Hamilton. Hamilton's on death row now, but no date has been set. Allen was 76, legally blind, nearly deaf, and usually tooled around in a wheelchair, although he was able to walk short distances. Of course, when he entered prison, he was none of these. His vision faltered with age, as did his hearing, and the diabetes was also onset in his later years. The last ridiculous appeal of his attorneys said it was inhumane to kill someone who is so disabled and so old. Had he not abused the legal system for the last 29 years, he would've died on death row much, much sooner. Or, if he had just served his life sentence in California for the first murder (in ‘76) he would probably have been paroled back into society by now. At best, his attorneys were trying to say that he was too old to die.
What should happen now: I know I sound like a broken record, but the appeals process must be refined and expedited. Perhaps a separate court system, one that hears only appeals of death row inmates should be established, and after you strike out (let's say twice) with the appeals court, you go straight to the chamber. His lawyers should be disbarred for making such a stupid argument, that the state was cruel to execute someone so feeble.

The foreign press is just as stupid as the US press dept:
The thwarted romance of "Brokeback Mountain" seduced the Hollywood Foreign Press Assn., which awarded the movie four trophies Monday night at the 63rd annual Golden Globe Awards, including best motion picture drama.
The facts: Broke Back Mountain is a movie about gay cowboys in 1963, directed by Ang Lee. You may remember Ang as the director of "the Hulk," and “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.” Ang is a Taiwanese immigrant. I don't think we should hold that against him, but I think he would be much better off sticking to kung-fu movies, as the Hulk was stupid and the Crouching Tiger movie was actually pretty good. I'm not going to spend $9.50 to see a movie about gay cowboys. I'm not homophobic (fear of man, bastardized into meaning anything anti-gay is due to a fear of homosexuality) rather; I'm homomiseic (again, homo for man, miseo for hate—technically man-hater, but I don’t know what the Greek word for pillow-biting butt-pirate is.)
What should happen now: 1. Ang Lee should stop making movies about anything other than karate. (Sense and Sensibility should have been the straw that broke the camel's back, but now, I'm sure) 2. The globes, the Emmys, the Oscars, should all be tossed on the scrap heap of narcissism. Basically, it's Hollywood showing how much Hollywood loves itself. And each show is a four-hour waste of time that could be filled with less mind-numbing drivel... like Dukes of Hazzard reruns.

Okay, I have to get ready to check out of this hostipul. More to follow, for some reason, every time I end up in DC I start thinking about politics.

-- Chuck

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