The Deerslayer

I left work early yesterday, part of my annual quest be more humane, to give back to my society, to do something truly altruistic, to do something that betters our environment, and our planet.

I went deer hunting.

You see, deer are overpopulated in Pennsylvania, and the northeast in general. So overpopulated, in fact, that if they are not culled yearly, there will not be enough food for them all to forage, and many will die of starvation and disease. Because they must range for food, they often wander into towns and roadways, and spread their droppings everywhere, and try to mate with speeding cars. Their sexual desires toward all things automotive actually causes everyone's insurance rates to increase!

After sitting in the freezing rain all day Monday (1st day of buck season)[technically, it is now antlered and antlerless season--which I simply refer to as "meat season"] I hadn't seen so much as a bird. It was COLD. Arthritis+rain+cold=pain.

So yesterday it warmed up to 45, and the sun came out. So I grabbed my rifle, put off whatever it was I was supposed to be doing at work, and headed off to the woods. As I began my trek, I realized that the toe warmers I'd put on were working--a bit too well. I was only about a hundred yards or so from my truck, and decided to take my boots off and get the toe warmers out.

That's when a she popped up out of some brush. She stood only 50 feet away or so. That's right, She. It was a Doe, a deer, a female deer. She paused briefly and stared through the grass to see if I was going to chase her. Of course I was! Just not by running. That's why man invented guns, so we'd not have to run.

Good sight picture, relax, open both eyes, breathe, gently squeeze through the trigger.

She lost the race. Never really left the blocks. Jumped up, took one, two strides, and collapsed.

I finished taking off my boots, removing the toe warmers, and walked over to the soon-to-be-venison. A few minutes of handy knife work, (note to self: remember to bring your latex gloves next time) and I was dragging her to the truck.

After I got the deer home and strung up, I realized that anyone seeing me, all dirty and bloody, and noticing that the Mrs. is not to be found this weekend, is going to put 2 and 2 together, and come up with five, and I'll spend Sunday in jail.

I will be out looking for Bambi's dad next week. (Maybe even tomorrow.) Anyone have any good venison recipes?

Oh, the Mrs. will be in Fayetteville this weekend for Spousebuzz live 2008. She and the 1st Mrs. Ziegenfuss (that's my mom) will be there, so get there, and thank both of them for putting up with me.

--Chuck