Paging Dr. Mengele

One of the nice things about nerve damage is that things that generally should be very painful, aren't. For instance:
This morning, as I was looking through the Map Cabinet--a filing cabinet for maps with big, wide, heavy drawers--I inadvertently slammed my left thumb in the drawer.

Luckily, I didn't break it (at least I don't think I did.) I did, however, manage to break some blood vessels under the nail. You know, when it turns all purpley and swells beneath the nail, causing it to throb endlessly, and then it finally grows out, and the purple becomes black, and it's all icky?

Yeah, that.

Now, my thumb does have some nerves in it... not the ones that hurt when you close a frickin' 30 pound metal drawer on it, but the ones under the nail bed are still sensitive.

If you find yourself in this dilemma, that is, a broken blood vessel under your nail, there is a tried and true method to alleviate the pain but it is one of those instances where the cure sounds worse than the injury.

Here goes: You'll need
nose pliers
gas stove/butane torch
needle
Paper towel
Strong stomach

What you do: Hold the needle with the pliers.
Heat needle over flame until it glows orangy-yellow
press heated needle through fingernail, into purple area
Multiple presses are needed, as the needle loses heat quickly, and as the heat builds in the nail.

Once you get through the nail, blood from the ruptured vessel pours forth.

Of course, you'll have a hole in your nail until it grows out, but the throbbing ends quickly and the big purple spot goes away.

Your mileage may vary.

--Chuck